Sunday, 20 August 2017

thoughts #1

This thoughts has been in my mind for awhile....

I dont really know whether i should pursue architecture or just ditch it and start new things

Ayah,
Do you remember how we used to have those intellectual chats in the car after you picked me up from bus station?

Do you remember how we used to have same thoughts on several buildings in town?

Do you remember how you used to ask me how long does it been and how much longer should i study architecture?

Do you remember how you used to tell me the same story over and over again about your previous work architecture related?

Ayah, 
Its been 6months already, and I feel like I need my ayah back, to help me back on track, 
Gain my spirit to finish what already started.

Ayah, 
If only you know how I broken deep inside..

And ayah,
I barely missed architecture unlike how deeply i missed you😔❤️

Monday, 3 July 2017

Remembering the remembrance

Lets say I somehow easy to remember what ppl used to do to me

Like how I remembered this one boy used to tell me some random dirty jokes or random personal story about himself,
And it was wayy during my form1 year,
But I still do remember it, 
All the silly nickname we used to call each other
As year past, during last years birthday,
I did told him if he still remember that,
But he didnt

It kinda hit me in the spot 
Because all these years I always tend to remember this little things that ppl used to say or did with or to me.
Well maybe not all ppl whom I know,
But quite enough for me to feel bad for remembering things that others don't remember at all.

Little that I know,
All these while I kept on remember things that happened between me and my acquaintance 
But I kind of always forget what actual happen between me and myself,
Like how many times did I always promise to forgive myself everytime things didnt go the way I planned 
Or 
How many times I try to change myself into a better me and failed,

Little that I know 
Deep down inside me 
I just had enough pleasuring ppl that doesnt remember me as much as I did about them
I had enough trying to make them like me or be the person whom I used to be

Ppl changed 
And ppl ages

And maybe its about time for me to take care of me first before letting myself disappoint by others

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Oh ibu!

Harini dah 20 Romadhon,
And its been the third day living just the two of us kat rumah, both me and chek,

The first two days kinda tough,
Chek tetiba sakit and i literally kena buka puasa alone,
And these two days i never skipped crying,
Thinking kenapa chek have to go through these,
And as I previously said in my prev post, 
I now know how I regret for thinking that 
Im all good without ayah.

Lets say chek is a person whom always need a care,
Just like how ayah always stayed up jaga chek whenever she sick,
Tak berhenti urut and picit chek sampai ngantuk waktu siang,
Oh Allah how i can not see those things waktu ayah ada.

But being a mother i know, chek always try her best not to show any signs of weakness,
Lelagi for strangers and her friends,
I tried to push her pi klinik but she refuses,
Sayang cuti she said,
Oh Allah in the state of she passed out few times, 
Chek masih boleh pikir pasal her workloads and stuff...

If only those ppl whom thought we're living okay could know how we actually suffer deep down inside,
Struggling to get ourselves back,
Nak catchup balik apa yang terlepas,
Nak survive after all damages done

But again, kenapa nak justify kan since manusia akan kept on digging our fault kan?
May Allah gives us strength