Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Oh ibu!

Harini dah 20 Romadhon,
And its been the third day living just the two of us kat rumah, both me and chek,

The first two days kinda tough,
Chek tetiba sakit and i literally kena buka puasa alone,
And these two days i never skipped crying,
Thinking kenapa chek have to go through these,
And as I previously said in my prev post, 
I now know how I regret for thinking that 
Im all good without ayah.

Lets say chek is a person whom always need a care,
Just like how ayah always stayed up jaga chek whenever she sick,
Tak berhenti urut and picit chek sampai ngantuk waktu siang,
Oh Allah how i can not see those things waktu ayah ada.

But being a mother i know, chek always try her best not to show any signs of weakness,
Lelagi for strangers and her friends,
I tried to push her pi klinik but she refuses,
Sayang cuti she said,
Oh Allah in the state of she passed out few times, 
Chek masih boleh pikir pasal her workloads and stuff...

If only those ppl whom thought we're living okay could know how we actually suffer deep down inside,
Struggling to get ourselves back,
Nak catchup balik apa yang terlepas,
Nak survive after all damages done

But again, kenapa nak justify kan since manusia akan kept on digging our fault kan?
May Allah gives us strength

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Kerana seulas durian

I cried again tonight
Semua sebab durian

Well, 
A year ago ayah asyik pulun beli durian
Kalau pikir balik, 
The year before maybe ayah tak seekstrim camtu beli banyak gila,
Like seriously every week ayah beli baru,
Pastu simpan stok dalam peti

And because of that memories,
I cried,
Walaupun baru sentuh seulas,
Nak makan sambil sendu bukan senang

Ayah, 
Maybe i always take you for granted,
Always denied your importance in our life,
But believe me, 
now know,
Every single bits,
Every single tiny memories of you,
Gives me such deep impact,

Ayah, 
I miss you,
And i love you❤️

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Pain

I was in pain yesterday,
Like literally a real pain that gives me headache and made me cry,
A pain that i never had before

But during that time, 
Theres a thing that make me think,
If the pain i had is this hard,
I wonder how much greater pain that ayah had during his last breath

Allahu, if id be in his shoe, 
In his situation, 
I dont think i'll survive,
Well, neither did ayah,
But to last that long, 
I dont think so

And so, 
Ayah was a strong fighter,
And he will always be remembered as one,
Maybe if no one believe or realized he was,
At least i now know that i do.

I missed you ayah