4am thoughts

Sometimes i wondered

What my heart really wants

When a person i used to like confessed

I tend to not like him back

But when i talked to my crush

All i can think about is him

Even if he didnt really gives me any hopes

Heart is really tricky

And surely did

Keep making me puzzled 

With all these mind games

Twisted reality

Overthink future

And

Tricky heart trick

Keep on beating for wrong person

But stops any sign for the true one

Is it real?

Or is it vice versa?

To end or to keep?

Is it too much 

if the girl keeps waiting for the boy to 

Make the first moves?

And is it weird to keep longing for things that arent sure?

I need a break

My heart needs a break

But i know i couldnt

Couldnt resist to stalk and being a total creep

Couldnt stop thinking how to make unobvious moves

Couldnt help myself from being that clingy person to whom that never seems to care at all

Can i just undo all that nice things 

The one that makes my heart flutter everytimes i thought about him?

Which makes me smiling without me realise

That made me hope for things that shouldnt be

How to make this ends?

Tale of a broken hearted girl

She is a cheerful, introvert girl

Whom once believe that fairytales could be reality,

To love and be loved by the one truly

The first time she learn to love is in a very young age,

Having a crush to a boy whom didnt really know how to repay the attention shes giving,

Ended up in a most twisted story; she dated a senior related to that boy,

Just because of some bet theyve made

Few years later, she realized all the years spent together is a waste

She wasted all her attention to make her feel loved by that guy,

Few times being cheated and lied to, 

She is broken inside out

But thankfully she is not with the wrong guy anymore

A year passed, a guy appeared in her life

A man of her dream, the guy whom always took good care of her

But shes being too immature for this kind of love story,

Jealousy, hatred and friendship making their relationship just like how roller coaster ride; too many unexpected ups and downs

He wanted to distance a bit, 

she gave it away,

Instead she might gave it too much,

Till things arent the same as before,

He was wayy too far,

Far enough to not make things work,

And he finally asked for a break up

Who to be blamed? 

She blamed herself of course,

For creating such distance,

For not understand how to be in relationships

And whats worth trying when things wouldnt even work at all?

Heartbreakingly hurt inside

But she glad he was one of her best memories being in love

She closed her heart after that,

Trying to keep herself away from her past mistakes,

Trying not to break her own heart,

But little did she know theres some naughty fellow ,

Who always steal her heart away

Those annoying jokes and annoying acts 

That sometimes made her blushed, annoyed and happy inside out,

But should her make a move? 

Or just stay quiet till the right time comes?

Until she realized it maybe just another distractions,

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But who knows?

She just had enough of those chapters,

Just waiting for the final one,

A happy ending

Because one thing for sure,

Shes just too scared to make a choice,

A choice that could lead to more heartbreaks,

Not now.

Not once again.

Not ever.